telling all your lies like second nature
by Xephonia
Summary: Ryouga doubts Academia and his own memories, but first and foremost he doubts Shingetsu. [sequel to déjà-vu]


The first thing Ryouga sees upon waking up is Shingetsu, and the angle makes it clear that his head is on Shingetsu's lap, and a look at the walls tells him that they are in Shingetsu's room.

It's not the first time he wakes up like this.

Shingetsu isn't looking at him; instead, he's staring out of the window.

It's moments like these when Shingetsu is nothing like his usual, goofy self; when he seems unusually thoughtful, focused and serious.

He's only like this when Ryouga is not paying attention, and when Ryouga asks what bothers him, Shingetsu will say Ryouga must be imagining it.

Shingetsu also says that his eye doesn't turn red on occasion.

(It does, and so does Ryouga's.)

But Ryouga notices when Shingetsu lying, it's like he can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice— and perhaps the most scary part is that he noticed from the very start.

Almost like he has experience with this.

As soon as he notices Ryouga is awake, Shingetsu smiles. "Oh, you're awake, Ryouga-kun."

"What happened?"

"You passed out in Heartland, so I carried you home."

"Home?"

"What else would Academia be?" Shingetsu laughs lightly.

Ryouga nods, slowly. He'd like to get up, but he's still feeling a bit dizzy, so he's stuck with his head on Shingetsu's lap.

Shingetsu has always been one for close physical contact, much to Ryouga's initial disliking, but by now Ryouga is used to it.

"I thought it's for the best if you took an extra dose of your medicine today since you still faint like this." Shingetsu holds out a pill and is about to just drop it in Ryouga's mouth when Ryouga takes it from his hands and pockets it.

"I'll take it later."

It's not that he distrusts Shingetsu—

(That's precisely what it is.)

—it's just that the medicine keeps making him feel nauseous or numb or both at the same time, and Ryouga feels like he isn't even a real person at times because of how little he feels, both physically and emotionally, when he takes it.

It's like perceiving everything through a thick veil only.

Whenever he talks about it, he's encouraged to take more meds, or to eat more.

 _The library has no notes on my condition. Is it even a—_

Ryouga tries to stop himself from thinking that way, but it's hard when he looks into Shingetsu's eyes and he feels like innocence doesn't fit him at all.

— _is it even a condition in the first place?_

"Shingetsu."

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any relatives?"

"Haven't seen them in a while, but my parents are in the city."

Ryouga is sure that when he went over the register, he saw no one named Shingetsu.

"I see..."

"Is something wrong, Ryouga-kun?"

There it is again. Ryouga knows that Shingetsu's eyes just had a pink glow on them.

"Nothing," Ryouga lies and tries to sit up, but Shingetsu firmly let gently pushes him back.

"You'd tell me if something is up, right? After all, you," Shingetsu leans forward so their foreheads touch. "are really important to me."

Ryouga barely resists the urge to headbutt Shingetsu just so he can get up, and he sighs. "Can you not be this emotional about it? You don't need to baby me."

For just a second, Shingetsu's expression twists into a scowl-

(A scowl which Ryouga likes to see on his face, honestly.)

—but it quickly turns back to the usual smile. "But isn't it natural that I worry? After all, we're partners." Shingetsu doesn't move his head away.

"Coworkers," Ryouga corrects and slips his head out of the awkward pose, finally managing to get up.

 _This headache._

"Not friends?"

"...That, too."

 _Maybe_ , Ryouga adds in his thoughts, _if you stopped lying._

He's considered Shingetsu his best friend for a while. Now he isn't sure if they've been friends in the first place.

Shingetsu stares expectantly at him for a bit, and Ryouga can tell Shingetsu is waiting for him to take his meds.

Before Shingetsu can remind him, Ryouga speaks up again. "By the way. Do you think the Professor would mind me using Xyz monsters as long as it helps our cause?"

This time, Shingetsu's scowl lasts longer, and Ryouga smirks because this expression really does fit Shingetsu's face better.

"I don't think so, no. But why? Do you sympathize with _them_?"

Ryouga shakes his head, chuckles and goes, "Of course not. They're just prey to be hunted, right?"

He can almost physically feel the pain he experiences when he spits out that lie.

He remembers Kaito, remembers what Kaito said—

'The Resistance needs its leader.'

—and if it didn't sound like truth before, it definitely does right now.

He thinks about the red scarf in his drawer— the scarf whose origins he never found out— and he knows things can't go on like this for much longer.

"Exactly," Shingetsu nods.

There's a knock at the door.

"Come in," Shingetsu shouts, and it's Sora who enters.

"The Professor wants you— actually, both of us— in his throne room, Ve— Shingetsu."

There it is again, the slip-up. It's not the first time Academia students have wanted to say a name that isn't Shingetsu's.

"Now? Now is a really bad time," Shingetsu complains, and he points at Ryouga. "He fainted again."

"The Professor said you can't postpone it. Some of it is related to the prisoners."

"Oh? I'll have to come along then. Sorry, Ryouga-kun. Remember to take your medicine, okay?"

Ryouga is sure he could hear the joy in Shingetsu's voice for a bit there, sadistic joy.

It's not that Ryouga wants to distrust Shingetsu, it's just that the longer he goes without his meds— he's been secretly skipping them for a while now—, the more he notices the things that are suspicious about Shingetsu.

"I will," Ryouga nods.

He waits for Sora and Shingetsu to leave the room, and he doesn't miss that their gazes linger on him for a bit too long.

As soon as the door closes, Ryouga presses himself against it and listens.

"Shouldn't you increase the dose? He's clearly—"

"Shh—"

 _Suspicious._

After waiting for a minute, Ryouga walks to the window and throws the pill out of it, then quickly closes the window again.

He's about to leave Shingetsu's room when he hears a voice.

Inside his head.

 _"Ryouga... Accept me, Ryouga..."_

Then, a different voice. _"It isn't your time yet, Nasch."_

As if moved by some invisible force, Ryouga opens Shingetsu's drawer in which he keeps his cards, and there it is-

"Number 32: Shark Drake," Ryouga mutters. "Number 101: Silent Honor's Ark Knight."

 _Xyz_ monsters. _Shark_ monsters. In _Shingetsu's_ drawer.

Ryouga is about to touch Shark Drake's card when he hears yet another knock at the door, and he shoves the drawer shut.

"What is it?" He asks, and the door opens to reveal Edo Phoenix, looking impatient.

"Was Shiun'in Sora here just now?"

 _Oh._

Edo's attempts to get Sora to join him in Xyz have failed so far, and Ryouga doubts they'll ever succeed.

"The Professor wanted to speak to him and Shingetsu."

"Who are you talking— oh, yeah. Why are you in Shingetsu's room then?"

"Ah, I just collapsed earlier."

Edo eyes Ryouga warily, but Ryouga thinks he can see something resembling pity in those eyes. "Why don't you go to the city today? You can't fight the way you are right now anyway. I can give you a permission."

Ryouga has never been allowed into the city before, and even him being at Heartland regularly took a lot of convincing before it happened.

But Edo has always been easy on him. Edo doesn't seem like a liar, either. Ryouga is grateful for it, although they rarely ever talk.

 _And that only supports my assumption that there is something wrong with Shingetsu._

"I'll take you up on that offer."

Ryouga decides to come back later, because as it is he can't steal from Shingetsu's drawer even if he wanted to - he's not sure if he wants to- and cards that speak to him aren't stuff to deal with unprepared anyway.

 _I should ask Kaito about those. He said I'm no match for him without my Numbers._

"Take this." Edo hands him a permission card. "And now go, you rarely get to go out, do you?"

"Yeah. Thanks." Ryouga leaves the room with Edo, and as he is about to head for the closest way out, Edo speaks up once more.

"You're doing it for a good cause. We'll create a utopia."

"A utopia, huh?" Ryouga thinks the thought of that sounds ridiculous, but he'll leave Edo his belief. "See you."

 _Only someone who's never lived through hell can talk about a utopia like that._

Ryouga is aware that these thoughts are not the thoughts of an Academia soldier, but they definitely are his own regardless.

* * *

The city is lively, and people look at Ryouga like he's a hero.

It feels wrong.

The one thing Ryouga likes about it is that he finally gets to see the endless ocean that surrounds Academia, but that's not much help considering the most recent events.

Ryouga figures he should follow Kaito's advice— 'Be careful with the food they give you at Academia'— so he goes to buy some.

Freedom of choice is new to him, and he ends up buying a bit more stuff so it lasts for a few days. Bread, rice, fish, a few other things and caramel. He's not sure what the caramel is for, but he feels like he has to buy it.

After mentally preparing himself for the worst, he talks to a juvenile officer. "Hey, do you know an Academia soldier with bright orange hair and violet eyes?"

"Do you mean Vector?"

 _That's the name they've been trying to say._

"Yeah. What is he like?"

"Dangerous guy. No one knows what he's here for, he does some pretty shady stuff. I heard he's taken two prisoners from Xyz, but only one of them is actually in the prison. No one knows where the other one is. Rumor has it that Vector himself betrayed Xyz. The Professor likes Vector though, I wonder why—"

"Thanks. That's all I needed to know." Ryouga rushes away, and he ignores that he must seem like the weirdest person in the world, because he's connected the dots and this is a problem.

 _I'll visit Kaito. And once I've done that, I'll talk to Shingetsu._

Ryouga puts in the coordinates for the Xyz dimension in his duel disk and sighs.

 _Sorry about that, Edo, but I have to know the truth._

 _Even if the truth destroys the illusion of peace forever._


End file.
